Melissa, Paula, Julie and Me
This week has been one of the most up and down mental and physical weeks since I've started training for Ironman Arizona.Some extreme highs and then the inevitable lows.
Highlights:
Had strong workouts all week despite a serious lack of sleep. Swam race distance of 2.4 miles with the team wednesday night and it was easier (not easy though) than I had expected. Took me around 1:25:50 I think. Everybody finished way before our Ironman cutoff so we popped some sparkling grape juice and celebrated. Awesome time!
Ran 6 strong miles the next morning despite having about 4 or 5 hours of sleep between getting home from the swim and getting up for my early morning run.
Ran 18 miles Saturday with some of my favorite girls from the team. Probably one of my best 18s ever just because I was with them.
Lowlights:
Brad's car broke down on the highway (up an exit ramp thankfully) with brooke in the car. He tried to call me and I was of course training. It REALLY bothered me that I wasn't there. I have been having extreme mommy and wife guilt lately about the amount of time I'm gone from daily existence with my family. It hit me really hard Saturday night thinking about them needing me and I wasn't there. I'm just not pulling my weight at home and I'm sad about that.
Sunday morning I woke up and just was so mentally drained I had probably the worst attitudes I've had since starting to train. Got to the ride, made the best of it since my teammates were keeping me in good spirits and then something just clicked again during the ride mentally and I was mad. Mad about training all of the time, mentally and physically tired from lack of sleep and the volume without rest days for a couple of weeks at a time. At about 50 or so miles, I just packed up my bike, got in my car and left. Was supposed to ride 110. Physically could've kept going, mentally just didn't want to. I'm tired, I'm mad, I'm out of here. Will I do that in the race, hell no, but today, I just needed to.
Got home, opened my email and found out one of my running buddies had died from cancer. It wasn't a surprise, we knew this was an uphill battle that based on her husband's updates, had not been going well. Honestly, I'm just really sad. Paula and our group of running friends met on the Chicago marathon training boards back in 2000 or so. We would meet up and run various races throughout the years, most notably Dances With Dirt in Hell Michigan. We would have so much fun running those trails, laughing, running our butts off!! I can picture Paula in sunflower shorts like it was yesterday. A big group of us also did the Swedish Days Century to celebrate Paula's 40th birthday. Here we are riding through the cornfields in IL
Paula's in the blue and I'm in the Red flashing the deuces
I read back through her Caringbridge pages tonight and it was just brutal. I still have her note on Facebook letting us know about her diagnosis. Cancer sucks. Between my Mom, Paula, my old friend from growing up - Kristin, I just am numb at this point. I'll pull it together and get my mind back on training but I guess it makes me glad that at least while me and my teammates are out there for hours and hours, we've been able to raise $250,000. I'll be continuing my season and racing Ironman with Paula's memory to keep me strong.
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